Outside the Box

A mother and daughter volunteer at a local cat shelter, every Thursday. They work in the isolation room, where they put cats that have illnesses or have recently undergone surgery. The surgeries are, of course, usually spaying or neutering. If the cat is pregnant, the babies are taken out and disposed. But, we're not here to talk about a cat's right to choose. Focus...

The daughter has lofty dreams of becoming a veterinarian someday, and volunteers to start building her résumé. The mother has to go, because her daughter is under 16, and therefore needs a parent or guardian to accompany her. This is what happened one day...

Mother: Wow. Lots of female cats today that recently underwent surgery. Wow! This one has big boobies still.  Look!

Daughter: MOM!

Mother:  (pretending to milk the cat) Look!  I'm a cat milker!  Hey!  I'm going to milk these cats and make cat cheese. Yes. It's going to be awesome.

Daughter:  Ugh. Your definition of awesome is right in line with a teenage boy's.  

Mother:  Yessss. Cat cheese. I'm gonna be rich.

Daughter: That's gross. No one is going to want cat cheese. I did see camel cheese in San Francisco. That's gross too.

Mother:  See! They milk camels. Cows...camels...cats. A perfectly natural progression. It's plain to see.

Daughter:  No.

Mother:  The name of my company is "Cat Cheesus" and the logo is a cat on a cross.  "Our cats sacrifice their very best milk to make cheese for you!" Our spokescat will be a cute little calico named Cheese Louise.

Daughter:  (No words - just mouth hanging open, then shutting again.)

Mother:  What?

Daughter:  No.  No one will buy it. And it's cruel.

Mother:  (Thinking.  Then appealing to her daughter's love of cats.)  I will make millions and then I will build a no kill shelter for cats. You can't milk a dead cat!

Daughter:  (Mumbling) No. Even though it's a no kill shelter, you're enslaving the cats for milk. No.

Mother:  I think the cats would rather give milk than die.

Daughter:  You'll never get a license to milk cats or to sell cat milk. I'm pretty sure the camel milk people had to wait for a special permit. Why do I know that?

Mother:  I am a big picture person. I'll hire simpler minds to work out the details. I think in broad strokes, daughter. Don't stifle my creativity with your left brain stuff.

Daughter:  It's right brain.

Mother:  No it isn't.

Daughter:  Whatever.

After they volunteered, they made their ritual stop at Taco del Leche. The usual guy behind the counter.

Usual Guy: Do you want cheese on this burrito?

Mother:  Is it cat cheese?

Daughter:  Oh my god mom, really?

Usual Guy:  Wha?

Mother:  I'm going to make a cat cheese company. I was seeing how open you were to cat cheese. Is it cat cheese?

Usual Guy:  (Smiling big)  Not yet!

Daughter:  I'm surrounded.

Mother:  Yessss...

Walking to the car - 

Mother:  See!  He's totally open to cat cheese. Taco del Leche will be my first customer.

Daughter:  Mom. He just works the counter at one of the stores. He doesn't have the authority to make those kinds of purchasing decisions.

Mother:  BUT! He can sneak my cat cheese in. Customers will love it and flock to that store because of the exotic and delicious cheese. I'll make so much money, I'll finally be able to afford that shed.

Daughter:  Mom.  No one is going to go in for this cat cheese.  No one!

Mother:  (Mocking daughter)  "Oh hi. I'm the smartest 13 year old around and I KNOW my mother's cat cheese business is going to fail, even though I've done NO market research!"

Daughter:  Either have you.

Mother:  Details details. I'm a broad stroke thinker. Details.